Ideas for Improvement Kept Me Up at Night
Growing up, school was my thing. Good grades came easily to me, and I now acknowledge that I was prideful about it. In 2012, I graduated from college, ready to continue my success as a business analyst. When I got into my entry-level job, I found that I was no longer able to comfortably get away with my perfectionism. Every Monday morning, red/yellow/green color-coded sales and inventory reports awaited me to tell me if I had succeeded or failed. Sometimes the numbers were red; I did not always succeed. The hamster wheel of ideas for improvement kept me up at night. I wasn’t bad at my job, but I no longer felt like I could control everything, and it shook me hard. The Father deepened my understanding of a few aspects of the Gospel in this season:
Gospel Friends: My Hope small group prayed with me and bombarded me with reminders of Truth. I walked through my struggle with another woman who was experiencing similar Gospel renovation through the trials of student teaching.
Gospel Identity: The Father showed me that His love for me is not contingent on my performance, but rather on the merit of His perfect Son.
Gospel Fruit-Bearing: John 15:4 became a verse I clung to: “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” To complete the work God had for me to do, I needed to remain intimately connected with my life source. Without Him, I can do nothing.
Only two years into my job, to say I have this all figured out would be foolish. Day by day, I pray that the Lord would constantly bring Truth to surface in my heart and mind so the Gospel can drive my attitude toward my work.”