God’s is Faithful and Loving!
I don’t have the crazy before and after testimony, just the long, bumpy, but faithful journey. I grew up in the Church, and accepted Jesus “into my heart” when I was nine, but even before that, I always felt like I knew Christ. However, the summer after eighth grade I had a very real experience with God. He exposed this sin issue in my life and convicted me that I needed to be rid of it. After wrestling with him for a long while, I prayed to him that I was really ready to surrender it to him, but would need his help to take it away.
It’s hard to explain, but in that moment as soon as I prayed I felt lighter, like the burden of this sin was taken away from me. I felt free. It was the first time I really experienced God. I really understood that he was real, he was powerful, and in light of that he loves me enough to do something about my request to save me. He wasn’t indignant that little old me had been explicitly disobeying and dishonoring him. Instead, he answered as soon as I called. In that moment he became more than just an idea I had been taught about my whole life- he was REAL and more than that, he loved me. This realization completely changed my life.
In high school I was that girl who couldn’t stop talking about him and reading the Bible. I look back on those days of the “emotional high” of my relationship with God and sometimes I miss them, but as I’ve grown up a bit I’ve realized that’s not what faith is all about either.
I studied abroad my junior year of college and for the first time in my life had absolutely no Christian community. I made a lot of mistakes that semester, but through that I realized for the first time that
God’s love and faithfulness is not dependent on my behavior. My salvation is firm no matter how much I mess up or how well I behave.
The perfectionist in me needs to hear this daily. God has been so faithful in my life, when I feel on fire for him and even when I feel like he’s far away. My emotions and actions don’t dictate his character. And for that, I’m so grateful.