The Spiral Downward
I grew up in what most would consider a very conservative christian household. We went to church 3 times a week, had daily devotions w/our family and memorized verses for our sunday school classes. We were at or around church often and life revolved around the gospel. This was what life was – what could possibly go wrong? The older I became the more distant from these beliefs I got, sin was crouching behind every door and I grew more and more calloused towards what I knew was the truth.
Truth soon started to become hazy and reasoning with myself for my bad decisions became the norm. Truth didn’t matter, what mattered was that I found fullfillment and new experiences.
To say my teen years were painful is an understatement at best. I convinced myself however that this was normal and that “when I got older” I would fix all the problems or maybe money would take care of them? Things continued to spiral downward and I found myself drinking heavily to medicate. I was depressed and alone. I had built such high walls that the only person that had a chance at getting in was God.
I finally realized that I needed to at least “try God”. I went to church a few times and after about a year I found myself in a small group with people in a very similar stage of life. After being in the group for several months and realizing I was right back where I started (leading another double life) I decided I needed to leave the group or face the truth. I woke up a few days after that realization and couldnt shake the feeling of conviction about the sin in my life. I knew this was God speaking and this time I couldn’t ignore the truth. I found myself on my knees asking forgiveness, asking for a savior.
That was where my life truly changed and the gospel I was taught growing up became my way of life.